What percentage of questions in this section would the following FAQ answer?
If the following brief FAQ were added to the opening page of the B & A section, how many questions would it immediately answer?
1. No, we won't write your book report for you.
2. No, you cannot steal copyrighted books by downloading them "for free" online
3. No, there is not a pressing need for new vampire literature
~Dr. B.~
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March 16th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
10. No, we will not give you ideas for your first novel. Not useful ones, anyway.
11. No, we will not think of unique and original names for your characters, particularly not given descriptions of them and the role they fill in the story. No mother, when she first lays eyes on her newborn, says things like, "She looks as though she’s going to go to an old-fashioned boarding school in a hidden world whose existence we currently have no notion of, and she’ll be the swotty one who reads up on all the monsters that the hero has to defeat. So let’s call her… Hermione!"
12. No, nobody is going to steal your brilliant and original idea for a book, because it’s almost certainly neither. Nobody who’s in a position to make money out of it right away, anyway.
12a. Nobody is going to sue you for copying JK Rowling or Stephenie Meyer or Rick Riordan. We do, however, reserve the right to mock you mercilessly.
13. You don’t have to do anything to get a copyright on your work, because you already had one as soon you wrote it.
13a. In countries that allow you to register a work for copyright with the government, "poor man’s copyright" is not a substitute for registration, and will provide no protection in court.
13b. In countries that don’t allow copyright registration, poor man’s copyright is probably still useless, because the other side’s lawyers can always create doubt in the minds of the jury and/or judge about whether the envelope was sealed when you posted it to yourself.
14. http://www.google.com
15. en.wikipedia.org
16. dictionary.com
But if we get rid of all the stupid questions, we’d actually have to *work* for our two points per answer. And we wouldn’t have nearly as many idiots to feel superior to. What would we do then?!
EDIT: 17. If a release date for the next book in series X has not been announced by the author or the publisher or a large bookshop, nobody here is going to know either. Or if they do know, they’ll be under orders not to tell anyone.
March 16th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
4. No real publisher expects a check up front from you.
5. Yes you can get published at 13, if you write a good enough book.
6. You’re insane, nobody will write two pages for your homework.
March 16th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
7. Yes, you must captalize your ‘i’s and pay attention to grammar rules if you want to be published.
8. There are many cures for writers block, and all of which can be found in google.
9. No, we are neither team ‘Edward’ nor team ‘Jacob. Do not ask again.
March 16th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
seventy-six per-cent