What happened to the “Good Old Days”?

I had to quit wearing my Darth Vader mask to church because some old lady complained it was "distracting" to her.
Why won't they just let me be me? I'm D.J. Mires, and I love to suck sausage! There I said it.
If I could.... I would go live on Mars, just me and Dracula, and we would dance and sing on a mountain top, Unless its like that movie Total Recall and our faces get all mutated, In that case we would just stay inside. What does D.J. Mires like to do for fun? I have three words for you........jockstrap, grease, and armpit. Remember the name. D.J. Mires. But don't let the smooth taste fool you. I am all boy underneath my PJ's.

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